


Feel Warm Again

by idrk



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-27
Updated: 2018-05-27
Packaged: 2019-05-14 10:24:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14767793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrk/pseuds/idrk
Summary: Sirius thinks about Remus, James and Lily's baby, just everything really.





	Feel Warm Again

**Author's Note:**

> So this is really short and not very good, but it's my first work so just bear with me here. Leave comments or don't, i don't really care.

The words “where were you” threatened to spill from Sirius’ lips along with his tears as he watched Remus stumble through the door of their apartment. Remus had been gone for days with no warning of leaving; he was now bruised and clearly desperate for sleep as he crawled toward their bedroom door. Sirius struggled to keep his eyes on his book as questions flooded his brain that he didn’t bother to ask, knowing he would not get an answer.

Remus had done this before. He had done this _many_ times before, each time gone longer than the last, coming back more bruised, more damaged, more distant than he was before he left. As Sirius watched the door close behind Remus he remembered how the first few times, he had been so worried that he couldn’t stop crying, wondering where his Moony was, he didn’t know if he was okay, if he was in danger, if he was dea-. He couldn’t say it, couldn’t even think it. What would he do if he was? The thought made Sirius shiver as a chill went down his spine. Sirius began to consider if being ignored was worse than that.

He remembered running to the order, hysterically telling everyone that Remus was gone, with no trace as to where he went. James, Peter, and Lily were assigned to help Sirius find him. They looked everywhere, every place coming up short, not being able to find him. Not at the Leaky Cauldron, not in Muggle London, not anywhere. Days later, Remus came back bruised, but smiled when he saw Sirius. Sirius desperately threw himself into Remus’ arms, sobbing.

“I thought… I thought” Sirius cried, not able to get a sentence out.

“I know lovely” Remus tried to soothe him, petting his hair and standing in their doorway for a while.

This happened time and time again, each time becoming less dramatic than the last. Sirius tried to ask Remus where he went, and how he got all the bruises and gashes, but Remus never gave a straight answer.

When the order had found out that there was a spy, everyone became suspicious of Remus, thinking that all of the strange disappearances could be missions for another cause. Sirius couldn’t bear to think that his Moony could be anything other than loyal to the order, but when he thought about it, it made sense…

Shaking himself out of his thoughts, Sirius went to the kitchen and grabbed the dusty bottle of firewhiskey from the cupboard, and poured himself a glass. He grinned slightly to himself as he remembered the last time they brought it out in celebration of Lily and James’ baby. The fuzzy memory felt like a lifetime ago. _A lifetime that doesn’t exist anymore,_ he had to remind himself, smile fading, and swallowing back the lump in his throat. That lifetime consisted of love, and hope.

Sirius remembered the look of joy on Remus’ face when James and Lily announced the baby, but behind that he saw something else. Fear? They were all fearful, bringing a baby into a world where there was so much hatred and violence, but they couldn’t do anything about it now.

They all took a drink, except Lily of course, and danced around the apartment singing along to records that they didn’t know the words to. He had never felt so happy. He, Sirius Black, was going to be an uncle! An _uncle_! His family that he had worked so hard to put together was growing and he couldn’t have been happier about it. He remembered the feeling lasting with him for days, but then the cold feeling of war rushed over him all too fast and he became a soldier again.

How did everything get so fucked? It felt like yesterday that Remus was holding him while reading a book on their shared cot at Hogwarts. He could remember the smell of Honeydukes best on Remus’ jumper, the calm look on Remus’ face as he read his book. It was a simpler time then. Much simpler than now. It felt like the past was warmer, full of color, and now he was living in a cold, dank cell that he would never be able to escape. He took a sip of the firewhiskey in hopes of feeling warm for one last time.


End file.
